SEX, LOVE, AND PAIN: LOVE ON LOCKDOWN

SEX, LOVE, AND PAIN

Love lockdown, who’s really doing time here?

Hey Hey Hey!!!! What’s up ladies and gents? I want to jump right into this topic because this is a topic that hits very close to home.  So let’s get to it. 
First off let me start by sharing something with you guys.  I am addicted to VH1 and their trash TV!!! I lovvvvvvveeeeee Monday night hood RATchet goodness.  I especially enjoy Love & Hip Hop.  This season on LHHNY, Yandy introduced us to her fiancé Mandeecees.  I like them together and I see the journey they took to get to happiness is very similar to those epic love stories in the hood.  Just as Yandy and Mandeecees were on the brink of starting a new chapter, life threw them a curve ball. Their love story was interrupted by the side chick known as the streets, and jail separated them.  Meanwhile Yandy was faced with the unfortunate decision of choosing to stay or choosing to go!  Here is what I think about love lockdown.

My mother and father have been married for almost 40 years.  They are madly in love and in my eyes they are the definition of marriage.  They have mastered loving each other and living for each other.  When I do get married I want to love like them.  However, there is one hurdle they haven’t been able to conquer.

My dad is currently serving a life sentence in the federal penitentiary.  Daddy has been away for almost 28 years.  I spent all of my life travelling to and from different prisons with my family.  Watching mommy and daddy during those visits was very interesting.  The love they both exuded was like daddy was only gone for minutes.  They never missed a beat.  Every kiss is passionate, every stare is love-filled, and each hug is filled with ecstasy.  I learned first-hand that black love is beautiful by watching my parents.

My mother chose to stay.  She is the wife.  Her vows made before family, friends, and God were tested and she is passing with flying colors.  They don’t make women like mommy any more.  Sheeeeiiit they don’t make men like daddy any more.  Times have changed. 

My opinion on lockdown love is simple don’t commit to something that you cannot handle.  This means for a woman, don’t say you will wait when you know you won’t.   The last thing a man needs while imprisoned is the false hopes of having a loyal woman to hold him down during one of his hardest ordeals.  Be who you were when he was home and the getting was good.   You know, the chick who couldn’t wait for a chick to look in you and your man's direction.  Be the girl who took great pride in his friends knowing who you were and respecting you because he chose you. 

Stay true.  Instead of playing the part you think he wants you to play just keep it real.  Whether it’s when they lock the cuffs or lock the cell, let him know how you feel then stand behind it like a real woman. 

A young woman I know is currently living this situation.  Unfortunately for her this is not the first time her man has put her in this same situation.  (That’s another story for another day)  This young lady met her man when she was young. He was older and the thrill of the streets really drew her curiosity.  The chase was short and they were a couple in no time.  She instantly became someone. She became hood famous over night and that made her feel special.  It was a sad sense of validation for a girl who was weaker than the game he used to pull her.  The lil hustle money purchased Jordans and G Shock Watches and the latest Evisu jeans.

The hood fame gave her happiness and her naivety gave him an avenue to drive his bull shit mobile on.  There is no doubt in my mind that he loved her and she loved him.  They were perfect for each other.  He needed a chick who would deal with his childish ways and she needed a dude who was going to give her a life line. She dealt with the endless girls that came with the territory and he dealt with her family’s disapproval of him and their relationship. Fast forward he serves small sentences here and there and she stands by him.  His friends looked out for her and made sure that she was good,  meaning making sure she was good with anything she need and  good as in behavior out in these streets.   She did well, she stuck it out.  They decided to make it official and take vows.  After all, this should be easy she stuck by him in jail and he respected her for that.  But then shit gets real.

He gets hit with time again and this time it isn’t the same.  He’s doing real time and she is running buck fucki!ng wild.  The young girl is not so young anymore and those friends of his that used to check on her are now checking for her in different ways.  Partying non-stop on every local scene and screwing many men from that same local scene is a recipe for disaster.   I know for a fact she didn’t tell him she was not waiting. In fact she went a step further to keep it from him when she thought he was coming home she revamped all of her social media. Lol, took down all the whore shots, and the tight dress booty shots in the club were replaced by white blouse 3 piece suit in the office shots.  It’s just so sad to see.  The truth always prevails though and I’m hoping for his sake he is made wise and then reads this blog lol.

Here is what I think he should do.  I think he should divorce her not because she didn’t hold him down but because those vows meant nothing to her.  She didn’t honor him, she didn’t respect him, and she didn’t love him as she loved herself. Because if she did he would have known from jump how she felt and that she didn’t want to live on love lockdown.  She should have made him aware that she was not fit to do a bid.  Sometimes in love you put your pride aside and you do what’s right.  Even if it means hurting both parties temporarily, the end result is worth it. 

We women are always asking men to “keep it real” but do we keep it real? What do you think?  I’ll tell you what I think next week.

Be good at being naughty, it’s more fun!

Xoxo

Jackie Jewel