(REALITY TV) LOVE & HIP HOP ATLANTA RECAP: SEASON PREMIERE

JOSELINE, STEVIE J, & MIMI FAUST

VH1's most drama-filled series of wacky ridiculousness is back, and this season we've got some new players.  Lord help us all!  Last night was the much anticipated premiere of the second season of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, and it did not disappoint.  Stevie J is just as creepy as usual, Benzino's head is still far too big for his body, and the ladies are all still making pretty horrible life choices.  Well, all the ladies except for Joseline Hernandez…she's too busy keeping it real—real crazy!

The episode starts with a full on shower scene starring Mimi Faust.  As she primps for the day, she admits to cleaning house, and I assume she means both literally and figuratively.  Of course, Mimi walks out of the bathroom and Stevie J and their daughter in bed together.  Mimi explains that it's not what viewers think.  She crashed at Stevie's the night before and Joseline (who lives there) stormed in and disrespected little Eva.  As the former couple cuddles in bed, they discuss the previous night's events, Mimi tells Stevie that she doesn't want Joseline around her daughter.  It's settled.  Mimi will start staying at Stevie's house to serve as Joseline repellent.  She's not ready to commit to him just yet…she'll just live with him in the meantime.  Way to be strong, Mimi! Erica Dixon and Lil' Scrappy are living together and planning their wedding, but Erica wants him to cut down on his swag.  According to him, his swag is at the tenth level, while Erica believes his labels need to be on a budget.  Scrappy spends $2000 a month on clothing, but he's willing to compromise on a wardrobe budget of $1200…sometimes.  Am I wrong, or was he behind on child support last season?  Is a Gucci label more important than providing for his child?

The lean mean hit-making machine, aka Joseline, is rehearsing, and Stevie goes to "deal with her" for being disrespectful to his daughter.  While they are "the hottest thing in the industry" (what industry is that?), the gruesome twosome are back to the same old fights.  He made her, she's self made, Mimi sucks, and Stevie created Joseline.  Throw in the requisite amount of cussing and I pretty much just summarized the entire scene perfectly.
Shay is still upset by Scrappy's proposal to Erica, so she goes to talk to Scrappy's mother Dee.  Like Shay, she feels betrayed, but Scrappy is the prince, and he cannot be over-throned.  I can't make up this ish!  As Shay cries, Dee promises her that their engagement isn't in the plans for the kingdom.  The Queen doesn't think that her son and Erica make a good match.  Momma Dee encourages Shay not to give up, and she quotes the wise words of Kenny Rogers, "You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em."  Sheer genius, that Momma Dee!

MOMMA DEE

K. Michelle has scored a record deal with Warner Brother, and her producer Alaska wants to repair her reputation for having a bad attitude.  K. Michelle agrees.  She wants to give women a voice, as she's the perfect mix of Nicki Minaj and Jesus.  Wait, what?  Seriously, who are these people and where do they get these one-liners?  She's ready to move forward with a killer record. 
At the jewelry store, Erica is meeting with her mom to get her ring appraised.  Her mother has never trusted Scrappy, and Erica wants to prove that he's spoiled her with an expensive rock.  Her mom still isn't quite convinced that the duo will ever walk down the aisle.  The jeweler comes back with the appraisal, and Scrappy has gifted her with a cubic zirconia $21,000+ engagement ring.  Her mom may like Scrappy a teeny bit more than she did fifteen seconds ago.
Joseline is being interviewed by everyone's favorite bobble head Benzino on his late night radio show.  He loves speaking to the ladies, and she loves referring to herself as a Puerto Rican princess.  They discuss mixing business with pleasure, and Joseline thinks that it's an impossible combination.  She's twenty-six, single, and ready to mingle…and did I mention she loves to have sex?  Twenty-six?  Sure, maybe a decade ago.  Benzino wonders if Stevie is going to be alright with all of Joseline's on-air admissions.
Erica and K. Michelle are meeting for wine to catch up on each other's lives.  They are celebrating K. Michelle's record deal and Erica's engagement.  K. Michelle offers to host an intimate and classy engagement party.  She wants to invite Jack Daniels and Mimi, but not Ariane.  Apparently, Ariane slept with one of K. Michelle's exes, and K. Michelle had to learn about it via a radio interview.  Major girl code violation!  Erica asks about whether Rasheeda Frost will be in attendance, but K. Michelle won't entertain the thought.  She's willing to invite Ariane if it means they can cross Rasheeda off the guest list.

K. MICHELLE

After hearing Joseline claim to be single on the radio, Stevie knows he needs to make things right.  He gifts her with a fur coat, and while she thinks it's beautiful, she's not a prostitute.  Stevie smirks while claiming to be insulted.  He'd never try to buy her!  Stevie is who he is and he's never going to change.  He then refers to himself as her daddy.  I think I may need to shower during the upcoming commercial break because I am officially skeeved out.
Ariane and Mimi are on the way to Erica's engagement party (wow, K. Michelle sure planned this event quickly, didn't she?).  Mimi urges Ariane to play nice after hearing her friend's version of the events that led to the fallout with K. Michelle.  At the club, Erica and K. Michelle toast to being girls with big butts who are not sluts…which I guess is as good a toast as any.  Mimi and Ariane arrive, and Mimi fills in her friends on her new, temporary (yeah, right) living situation with Stevie.  Ariane tries to make peace with K. Michelle who is not having any of it.  They have a snippy conversation that melts into giggles, then yelling, then forgiveness.  What, no drinks thrown?  No tables tossed?  They kiss and make up.  Literally.  There IS love in hip hop, K. Michelle exclaims.
Momma Dee is taking her son shopping, and she hopes to dissuade him from going through with his wedding to Erica.  Shay is the girl for her prince, and she plans to make him see that he needs to give her a second chance.  After all, Shay has lost some weight and looks foi-yine.  Could Dee be any more convincing?  She asks her son to take Shay to lunch, but Scrappy stands up to his mom and tells her she needs to get on board with his engagement to Erica.
Mimi is cleaning Stevie's kitchen, and he's working every angle to get back in her good graces.  Mimi is on cloud nine now that Joseline has moved out of the house.  I guess she forgets that he can just go visit Joseline elsewhere.  Stevie wants to get things back on track, and he pulls out a wad of cash hoping it will placate her.  Man, he is disgusting!  Mimi doesn't want his money or his gifts.  Their conversation is interrupted when Joseline walks in wearing a bra and hot pants.  Classy!  Stevie rubs on Joseline as she calls Mimi "Molly the Maid."  Joseline shares the news of her new fur from Stevie while Mimi yells at Stevie to get Joseline out of the house.  He does get Joseline to hit the road…although I don't think Mimi expected him to go with her.  When her returns after walking Joseline to his car, Mimi is giving him a bleeping ear full.  Stevie thinks that Mimi sees her younger self in Joseline.  When Stevie laughs at Joseline's "Molly the Maid" joke, Mimi goes after him, throwing a drink in his face.  He's taken away by production, smirking and yelling at Mimi that she's his maid and needs to clean his bleeping house.  I'd feel sorry for her if I didn't know she'll keep going back to him. 

The saga continues..... STEVIE/MIM/JOSELINE

This season, the Stevie/Mimi/Joseline triangle continues, with Stevie telling Joseline that he owns her.  Really, he needs to go away.  Mimi finds a new man, and K. Michelle has beef with both Mimi and Rasheeda.  Rasheeda learns that she's pregnant, her husband questions whether she's cheating on him.  Erica and Scrappy hit hard times, and of course there is fighting galore!