(REALITY TV) LOVE & HIP-HOP SEASON 5 WEEKLY RECAP

LOVE & HIP-HOP SEASON 5 WEEKLY RECAP

So, let's just dive right into last night's Love & Hip Hop, shall we?  After all, that's what Mona wants us to do! The episode begins as Peter Gunz' two lady loves have been pulled apart, and Tara Wallace is still trying to figure out her next move as Amina Buddafly laughs hysterically in the corner.
I'm so confused. Rich Dollaz calls Peter to warn him of the debacle. It's messy, and messy isn't good for the label. Yandy Smith puts Tara in a car after promising to support her friend. So, is Amina still going to be the label's rainmaker?

Saigon is having a birthday party Joe Budden style. He's gotten back the results of the DNA test, and he's waiting to open up the envelope. Erica Jean is giggling and falling all over Grill Master Saigon until he's ready to Maury Povich himself. For some reason Erica Jean is nervous, but once it's determined that he is the father, he's over the moon. Saigon isn't ready to commit to Erica Jean until he knows he's mature enough to be honest and faithful, but he's happy to date her until that day comes. He starts screaming "The Boy is Mine" all Brandi/Monica style to the entire birthday party. So much for keeping the DNA testing discreet!

Tara waits up all night for the coward Peter to come home. Of course, he waits to confront Tara in the daylight after she's put his shoe collection out on the sidewalk. He's sorry he messed, but he doesn't want to be embarrassed by having his shoes thrown at him. Peter thinks that Tara was wrong for hitting Amina, and Amina was wrong for telling Tara about their marriage. Is this guy for real? He hates that Tara found out that Amina is his wife because it pains him to see her hurting. Yeah, keeping the marriage a secret should have been the way to go…not, oh, you know, refraining from marrying your side chick!

Yandy and her favorite Fraggle Rock character Rich meet for lunch, and she's upset that he never told her that Peter married Amina. Rich jokes that Amina had two options to share her news, "pull it up or slam it down," meaning she could either pull up her shirt to show off her Mrs. Panky tattoo or slam down her ID with his last name. Yandy decides that's going to be her new go-to phrase. Sadly, that phrase is the only thing that Yandy will take from Amina as she now refuses to sign her to their label.

Because Peter's drama is the only thing even remotely keeping the viewers watching, VH1 is trying to step it up with Erica Mena's lesbian story line. Les-be-honest, she's only into Cyn to amp up controversy. Erica plans a Chipotle picnic for Cyn at the beach. Cyn shares the same reaction as everyone else on the planet when Erica reveals she'd like to work with Rich again. Erica smooths it over by asking Cyn to pose as part of her sexual fantasies photoshoot.  And let the make out sesh commence!

After catching Professor Budden tutoring another student in their bed, Tahiry Jose agrees to go to couple's counseling again. Tahiry fills in Derrick on the make-up on her pillow case, and Derrick explains to Joe that the perception of another lady in the bed could be problematic. Joe wouldn't have a problem if Tahiry had another man in their bed because he trusts that they wouldn't do anything inappropriate. She goes off on him for lying (because, seriously? He's totally lying), and storms out of the session. Dear Relationship Therapist Derrick, you really need to step up your game.

After his run-in with Tara, Peter goes home to his wife to set her straight about his relationship with his babies' mother. Peter reminds her she shouldn't be shocked that Tara lost control since she is so in love with him. Amina is confused. Hasn't Peter been telling her all along that things have pretty much been over with Tara for ages now? Peter does some quick double talk, trying to make Amina feel guilty for the fact that it will now be harder for him to see his kids. He follows his speech up with an "I already lost Tara and I don't want to lose you, too. I love you," to which Amina replies, "I love you more." You've got that right, girlfriend!

Tahiry goes to help Rashidah plan her wedding. I see that Rashidah's Ronald McDonald hair has grown out to a Pooh Bear blonde. A teary Tahiry reveals the details behind her break-up with Joe, and Rashidah encourages her friend to come to her upcoming event to take her mind off of Joe. Meanwhile, Erica and Cyn are shooting for the sex book, and she has invited Rich to come watch. Did he just say "Daddy likey"??? I need a bleach bath. 

Erica broaches the subject of working together again, and Cyn questions his past managerial role with Erica. When Rich realizes he's never going to worm his way into a threesome, he gets pissed and tells Erica that her "wife" seems to have a problem with them working together. Erica tries to placate Rich, but his jealousy wins over and he sulks away. Really, Rich?

The boys meet up at the gym to work out their frustrations. Peter and Rich fill in Saigon on the latest events. He had no clue that Peter was married to Amina. Peter explains that his wife told his wife about his wife. Saigon is all "dude, you're so Mormon!" He isn't onboard with Peter's behavior. He thinks his kids need to grow up with their mother and father…no side-chicks/wives. Saigon is too old for these shenanigans. Peter hopes he's able to work things out with Tara. What is it with these men thinking that their women will take them back and not question what he's doing with other girls on the side? Oh, wait…it's because it works every time!

Erica and Cyn attend Rashidah's event, and Rashindah is a tad floored to be introduced to Erica's girlfriend. Erica pulls Cyn aside to reveal why it's important for her work with Rich.

She reminds Cyn that Peter is responsible for most of the bad blood in her business dealings with Rich. I love that Cyn does't know he Peter is until Erica explains he's Cory Gunz's dad. That has to sting a little, doesn't it Petey?

Tahiry arrives next with Nya right behind her. Rashidah makes introductions and recommends a collaboration between Nya and Erica. Been there, done that. Nya reveals that Professor Budden didn't think her working with Erica was the best idea. At the mention of Joe's name, Tahiry starts to get feisty, and Nya assures her that she's probably the only girl in town who hasn't slept with Joe, so it's all good. Nya then makes the statement that all Spanish girls like to share the peen. Of course, she's totally joking…except she forgets to say she's joking and just keeps repeating it over and over, louder and louder. Erica actually diffuses the situation (I was shocked, too!), and grabs Tahiry saying that as Spanish women they should go troll the bar for men to share.

Nya realizes that she's made a mistake, and she apologizes sincerely to Tahiry who accepts with a hug.

That night, Erica stops by Rich's apartment to discuss what happened at the photoshoot. Rich has two issues…Cyn isn't his biggest fan, and Erica made a fool out of him by not ever signing the contract. Surprise! Guess who finally signed on the dotted line?

From what I can tell, Tara's apartment consists of a bright blue wall, a kitchenette, an ugly sofa, and…a closet full of Peter's clothes? After stalking Amina's Instagram and discovering that Peter and his wife are golfing together, Tara loses it.

She takes her scissors to all of Peter's belongings before texting him a picture of the mayhem.  She paid for them anyway! Perhaps she should have Instagrammed it? Peter arrives and reminds her that her craziness is the reason that he wants to leave. What a manipulative jackleg!

He wants her to remember that their relationship was less than perfect before Amina came along. Peter's been sleeping on the sofa for months…but that isn't weird given it seems to be the only furniture in the entire apartment. He takes his guitar and promises to come back and get the rest of his things. Tara doesn't want anything of Peter left in her apartment.